so 2015 to be continued.

We went krabi. Oh by WE, it's really a whole lot of WE. To be exact, 22 people - 18 adults and 4 children.

My colleagues have termed it as me bringing the entire village. :P

Muzam and I were the in-charge. Well, I should give most credits to Muzam. She's mainly the organizer. So it was a four day three night trip. A fully worthwhile trip and I feel that we have maximised it to the best we could.

Krabi was awesome. VERY accomodating for our halal needs and very family friendly. We stayed at Peace Laguna and it was as how the pictures were. Room was quiet and clean and location was fine. Everywhere we went we had two mini buses for the whole group.

We had snorkeling checked, ATV checked, flying fox checked. white water rafting checked.
Monkey Park and island hopping were also other stuff we did.

We also sent the older folks to the emerald pool and hot springs. All was well!

Love the trip! Wish we could organise another one soon! 

After yet another year of hiatus....

A recall of 2015:

It seems like it was yet another year, filled with regrets that I wished I could turn around. More often than not, we have this battle with the brain and the heart and people around influence you.

2015 has nothing much to mention but I shall still write on some notable things I want to remember.

Umm.. As mentioned in my earlier post, I got my full performance bonus this year without having any burdens to pay off my tuition loans. I had paid it off fully somewhere in May 2014. So that meant I had my full PB and no major expenses to pay for. Awesome-ness!

Well being the thrifty person I am, I am not one to splurge on brands and exquisite stuff. I did buy myself stuff, pampered myself with food and clothes deemed affordable to reasonable. The power of spending is really SHIOK!

Apart from that, this is one year that really stressed me out with the match-making drama. It's not that I do not want to get married. But I am taking aback when it comes to talking about it and having to make a decision. Sometimes I wonder if I have too high expectations...but no, I think I am just confused. - confused of what I am, what I want and what to expect.

I feel so much like taking a leapt into a canal with no end to be seen. I need too much blind faith to do it. I wish people around me could read my mind without having me to voice it out. 

I want them to know that I am totally fine with all this matchmaking scene, but take it slow. Too fast and furious makes me wanna turn around and run to a place with no one. Free to live and breathe. 

I should mention that me being me, working where I am, and everything about me.... I have lost confidence and faith that I am a person worthy of love and care and affection. If I don't love myself enough, how can I possibly find someone who will. Honestly, my job makes me feel like I am not doing myself any favour. I look down on myself and hate introducing myself it has to involve saying where I work. 

You may ask, amidst all this, why am I still here? I am. Year in and out, I wanna leave. I wanna quit. I wanna be elsewhere carving the big C for career. But I am unable to. You have got no idea how I have been receiving 0 calls for the resumes I have sent out. 

It is not just disappointing but it adds points to the point that I am worthless and no one wants to hire me. Its just the thoughts that is enough to break you, to crumble your soul to ashes. 

Amidst my unhappy job and job scope, it is my colleagues at work truly make it bearable. I tell myself that this should not stop me from finding other jobs, but even then I really am unable to. 

May God lead me on the right path. 

Looking back on 2014

Its one month before I pulled myself from the clutches of procastination to do this up.
Better late than never I guess.

2014 was the year of the horse. My year. :D Yes, I was (still am) 24.
Nothing much and no tremendous changes happened this year.
But I still had some events I wish to log so that I could look back and reminisce later.

If I am not mistaken, I got confirmed in DBS in the first few months of 2014.
What a feat passing probation after 9 months. Hahaha! I still did and that's what matters.

And I got my first ever performance bonus from my first full time job!
It was pro-rated but its still good to have. I'll get my full bonus next year! :D:D

Then May 5, 2014 another addition to the family.
The third nephew to join the little ones #mylittleimps
He is named Naufal which means 'Generous Leader'.
The little one is like 9 months now and he has just begun to stand up holding on to things.
He can clap when instructed too. He's too active until I can take it no more.

Oh and then... It was my block leave in June. And I managed to take my parents and bro out to Bintan.
It was just a 2D1N deal from the deal website.But it was like my first time planning things..
Like I decided the hotel. I booked it. I made arrangements. And I spent for the trip! Felt so good about it because I've always wanted to do it. But I regret not spending more. Not sure if they felt like they were travelling on a budget. I felt bad not letting them spend freely. Note to self - shall not do the same again.

In any case, except myself and my brother, they went on a second holiday to Bali in end Nov. Both of us were not able to go due to our work and leave problems.

Meanwhile, I got offered a position under NLB for a librarian. During the interview, I had a tamil interaction portion. It was so awkward cause it was someone I know. Haha, but it's okay my tamil is not in the dumps! I rejected it though cause after some thoughts, I think I wouldn't want to work in shifts anymore.

And in June itself, I went for MOE interview after the longest time ever. I applied for the third time now I think. I got offered by them too. But it was quite late.i think it was about mid august? I felt that I shoud stay on in my current job to work in shifts as it will be of help to my mum as she has to take take of four kids after my sister returns to work in August onwards. Besides, I also started to doubt myself on taking the role of a teacher to handle so many children in one class. The flashback of my relief teaching stints doesn't make me feel so confident to be a teacher. I'm worried if I will be able to deliver and help the children to the best of my ability. And whether I will be able to control the class and get things done.
After all these thoughts, I rejected it as well. I still feel a tinge of regret till now as I feel that I should not give up before I try. But situations just happened as well. I may just re-apply in future and hope I will be given an opportunity then. I really want to be a teacher...maybe when I get to be a teacher one day, I will have the full confidence to handle them on my own. (:(:

  Fast forward to December, I went for my first facial with Shams and Kavita at Goodday. :D:D
We went for the basic aloe vera facial. Set us back by about $50. The price and experience was alright. But I guess you need to constantly go for facial to see differences.

Besides that, compared to how I started, I'm much more comfortable in my office. I know more people and I love the feeling of being so familiar.


Signing Offff
31.01.2015
10.58pm.

First song ever!

As random as I always am, I was inspired to write a song today.. I've thought of doing it before but didnt actually get down to it. This time I managed to come up with something & hope it turned out alright ya.. Btw, it sounds more like a poem than a song but I wish I could strum in a tune for this though. :D

Us together by Naphalisia

Those walks in the park never seem like what it used to be,
Without you, it just never seemed right especially for me
I want you to know that the memories we shared were never done
And now that you're gone, I'll never know now what it could have been for you & I

Chorus:
I believe in fate that tied us together
You are my mate that I'll treasure even now & forever
In my life, it has never been a dream come true
But when it comes to you it's been so real, so surreal
It's like I just walked out of my dreams to see you.

I remember you once told me how much you loved me
I didn't know if it was real or if you meant it then
but it was then that I started falling so deep and strong that nothing else would matter
 So baby, why don't you feel the same now when I am still the same now and then?

The past has flashed passed and I am still here waiting for the moment
Where you'll turn back and know not all is lost.
 Its a rollercoaster ride but it will be worth the wait in the haven
So baby we'll make it work, you know that we will, at all costs.

2012 part 2

So that shall be that bit for the last semester in NUS. Best module for that sem: Human Pharmacology! (:(: I liked it because the lecture notes and contents are easy to follow, NO LAB REPORTS, very logical reasoning like how one leads to another side effect sort of thing and tests were not all long essays.. though i can't quite rmb what it was. So yes, April 28, 2012 at 11.04am, I handed in my official last exam paper in NUS. And it was pharmacology. (:

11.05am marked the first minute of my unemployment.. Filling up forms that I am a 'student' officially ceases. I get promoted (demoted suits aptly though) to being an 'unemployed'. It is no doubt a promotion cause most of us have to go this student-unemployed-employed route right. Unless there's a "direct school admission (DSA)" that allows one to skip the middle step (pun intended). Anyways, job was not on my mind then (actually sometimes even now! hahahha) because my mum was leaving for Umrah on May 26th and will be back on the 10th of the following month. So I'll be taking charge of some babysitting at home for that few days. Besides, I was leaving for Phuket on 14th June after she was back and that was constantly on my mind too. It was gonna be my first aeroplane trip ever. EVER! In my then 21 years of my life.

May passed relatively smoothly. Cooked a total of about three times during the whole period my mum was away. Results came, okay to me. Checked. Mum was back. Checked. Packed bags for the trip. CHECKED and LEFT! WoooooT! Eggggggcited max.

2012 reflections Part 1

Its 3.07am, 1st Jan 2013 as I begin this entry of my recollection of 2012. I have been procastinating this for the past 5 hours or so. In between were fireworks, new year greetings (&birthday wishes to K) and a chat with J on whatsapp, trying to log into my blog after abt a year and reading past entries.It's funny how I am unable to recall some of those mentioned incidents that I felt so strongly back then.

This blog is like a secret haven to the inner me. If I was able to transfer all my self- thoughts and reflections that sprouts up on every day to be added in here, the blog would be consistently adding new entries. So my point of this will be 2012 and let's not digress. :))

Beginning of 2012 marked the last semester in NUS as an undergraduate. Plus this was the sem that I just needed to do 4 modules thanks to my special semester during my Year 1 break. it was to be 3 core modules and an elective. Modules taken: Human Pharmacology (P), Human Physiology: hormones and health (H), neurobiology (N) and Arabic 1 (A). Well, these were not my initial combination though. 2012 came in the form of headache and stress just in the first few weeks it started. Human Pharm was not in the list earlier. What was? I recall it to be some molecular basis of diseases (M). Drugs and society (D) to replace Arabic. For simplicity, I'm gonna give the modules letters to represent them.

With H, N, M and D, I was all set for free days and possible free days where I could simply watch webcasts from home. But that satisfaction didnt last long. It came as a shock when M scared me with a lecture presentation of a project topic. Our lab sessions scared me further and I cant recall further than that.. But after that 1st lab session, 2/3 of my friends decided to drop the module to switch to another. I didnt do so with them cos I had module clashes which I had to settle first. And I decided to try the module despite my friends calling it quits. But the next lecture? Was content overload. that was it. I had to drop the module. It was the 2nd week of school I think with CNY round the corner.. after deciding what I needed to change to fit my timetable, i went back the 3rd week to get it all done. Bleh. I had to see the prof to join the module. I did so cos it was my last semester - desperate max. But he refused flatly.

That's when even desperate measures kicked in and I looked for any core module that fitted my timetable and P was good. CORS administrator called me up after receiving my appeals and advised me to look the lecturer straight and email him so that he can make necessary adding. P lecturer was Dawe. He was really nice in replying me..unlike 2 others. So yes, so I got his approval to do this on condition that I drop D. Unfortunately P clashes with D. There you go. Drop D and find A, completing my language goals until the very last semester. So yea, these are my 4 modules after much stress. I should have known that that was just the beginning.

All of us grow up in different environments and the individual each of us become is strongly related to the former. Whether this is scientifically proven or not, I really don't know but I seem to have drawn the same conclusion through various walking examples in my life. From the kind of lifestyles we lead, to the things we do, what we eat and even how we think and behave, all these has got to do with our childhood and the environment, really. 

And that, includes siblings living under the same roof eating the same food and brought up by the same parents. It takes no genius to derive at that conclusion. In my family of six, the 4 children exhibit different kinds of mindset and behavior some of which I think I can correlate with childhood and the respective environment we all grew up in. The most prominent example I can think of is the "money-wasting/spending" behavior! 

I'm like the most stingiest of them all I think! hahaha!! I am a big time scrooge concerning myself and others. I sometimes do feel generous and spend about 20 to 30 bucks on people really close to me. And the person who usually benefits from my generosity is usually my brother. Where I am concerned, I am a big time CHEAPO! I buy $10 dollar shirts, shoes, bags and anything dirt cheap. To an extent that when I ask people at home to guess the price of what I bought during shopping that day, the guesses usually range from $5 to $10. To them, I'd never get anything more expensive than that. What have I got to say to that to back me up? 

Well, though I can't remember the exact conditions and environment I grew up in my childhood (meaning my primary school times), I remember being plagued with family quarrels over financial issues. I remember it to be quite serious type not sure if loansharks were involved due to his gamblings habits that he picked up in his workplace. Of all things right? -.-'' So I was by default had had an inner alarm being manufactured inside of me telling me that money is most precious. Saving was really the choice. Don't know if I was encouraged to save or what, but it sure became part of my life when I saved whatever I could from whatever I bought and I truly saw nothing disgraceful about me despite disgusted reactions from family. Please understand my intentions of wanting to show that all of us are different, different in our own homes.